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[scruffyduck.livejournal.com]

Title: Unexpected
Fandom: Stargate SG-1
Rating: R/15/Mature
Spoilers: Pretty much everything up Threads.
Pairing: Sam/Jack, some Sam/Daniel.
Summery: Set in Threads. Before they go fishing.
Notes: Written for Two Lines. My lyrics? See below. Many thanks to valeria_sg_1 for the beta.





He found her asleep no more than three feet from her front door. Curled up tightly into fetal position on her hallway floor, tear stains fresh on her face.

He hadn't expected this.

He couldn't remember the last time he had seen her like this, broken into little pieces.

At her father's funeral, his memorial, she had seemed so calm and composed. She had seemed as strong as ever. Sitting above him, looking down as he lost the battle with death, she had been strong.

She was always strong.

Obviously not.

He bent down and shook her awake and as soon as she saw him she blushed bright red, embarrassed at being found like this, so weak and exposed.

"Come on." He reached down and helped her to her feet.

"I was okay," she said, "I am okay."

When she was on her feet she looked at him, leant forward and kissed him. Crying yourself to sleep on your hallway floor will do that, she decided, make you kiss your CO.

"Carter." There was a warning in his voice but she wasn't listening. "Let's not do this, now."

"Fine." She stood up straight, squaring her shoulders and turning away from him.

"Sam, I'm sorry."

She carried on into her lounge and picked up her phone. He sighed, she wouldn't accept his help, not now, not ever. His body maybe but nothing else. How many times had he heard the words 'I'll be fine Sir'? How many time had he heard her say it and know without doubt that she didn't mean it. That she wouldn't be fine and she would need someone.

Not him though, never him.

He knew Daniel and Janet had become her confidantes over the years and even Teal'c on occasion. Never him. A couple of illicit hugs but they never went any further. They both knew she didn't need him.

It didn't surprise him when she called Daniel. Because she didn't need him, though it seemed like she still wanted him.

Grief does strange things.

She spoke quietly, so he couldn't hear her, couldn't hear her open up even slightly. He had hoped that they were past this, that their relationship was more than this. It seemed to have deteriorated along the line. He was surprised she hadn't told him that she had fallen over in the hallway.

"Talk to me Carter."

She had hung up her phone and was sitting on one of her sofas, staring right past him.

"I'm fine, thank you sir."

Those words.

"You don't mean that." She didn't look at him.

"I'm fine. Just a little tired."

She wasn't going to give him more than that, the determined look and hard set of her jaw told him so, but he was fed up of walking away and leaving her to someone else when that was the last thing he wanted to do.

"Talk to me." She looked at him then, lifting her head up.

"I don't want to talk."

"Then what?"

"You can go sir, Daniel is on his way, he can..." She trailed off.

"He can what?"

She looked down again and he hated it but he was jumping to conclusions, she couldn't mean she and Daniel would...? Could she.

"Carter?"

She still didn't look at him and he didn't want to assume that she was avoiding his gaze because she did mean she and Daniel would sleep together but this was Carter and Daniel.

To hell with it.

"How many times?"

"Twice," she said quietly, "and I don't regret it, they weren't drunken mistakes before you say that either."

Was he really that obvious?

"Was he good?"

No, he was an asshole.

"Do you really want to know?"

He thought about it for a moment, thought about them for a moment, his mind screaming, YES, YES, YES.

"No."

"You can go."

"You're dismissing me? What, you want me to go so you can have sex with Daniel to help you get through this? Jesus fucking christ Carter."

"No. I want you to go so when he gets here I can bitch and maybe even cry about the fact my dad has just died, I left Pete and I still, still, can't have sex with you!" She was on her feet and inches away from him in a moment. "Still can't have you."

"You still want me?"

"Yes. But nine years a long time to go without comfort and Daniel has been there for me."

"I don't want to know."

"You're not allowed to know. Goes beyond our boundaries remember? And don't tell me you've been celibate all that time before Kerry, Sir."

"No." He looked away from her then.

Nine years was a long time.

He wasn't sure where they were going with all this. He had seen her leave the funeral with her head hanging, those words, that lie, 'I'll be fine sir' the last she had said to him before she had turned to Daniel.

Fuck.

He was having trouble getting his head around Carter and Daniel. Together.

"I'm going," he stated turning right around and heading out of her house. She let him, let him walk away and meet Daniel half way down her path. He stopped, staring at him, an image of him and Sam slamming into his mind.

"Jack, what's going on?"

"I don't know. She won't tell me. She can't tell me." He tried not to be angry, but he was angry, really angry because it was Carter and Daniel. Sam and Daniel.

"But she can tell you can't she. She can fuck you."

"She told you?"

"Yeah." He was angry and it wasn't just that and he wasn't sure if he was hurt or if there was something else to it. Or if there was nothing else to it beyond the initial shock. Which scared him a little. "You're my best friend Daniel."

"Sam's my friend too."

Can't take this right now, can't think right now, get out, get out, get out.

"I'm going."

"Wait, Jack, let's talk about this," Daniel called after him but he didn't listen, didn't stop and when he looked back he saw Sam standing in the doorway.

"I'm sorry," she said before shutting her door and leaving him standing stunned in the middle of her front yard.

*


This had been unexpected.

Sitting with him, so closely, looking down at her father she had felt strong. She had felt like she could do this but it wasn't supposed to hurt like this. She had meant what she had said, that she was happy to have had the extra time with him. She had been so sure that she could deal with all this, leaving Pete, loosing her father. She'd already gone all through it once over. Leaving a man she loved, loosing a parent. She'd been so sure, so fucking sure, that the second time around it would be easier. She was older, wiser and harder but it hurt all that little bit more for it.

It had hit her the moment she had opened the door to her house. Like her heart was imploding and she had collapsed into a crumpled heap of soft tears.

So weak and so unexpected.

Maybe she'd just forgotten she wasn't perfect.

There was a knock at her door and she knew it was Daniel but she couldn't face him right now. She should never have called him and she shouldn't have told Jack and she really, really should have locked the door before her 'moment' on the floor.

At least he knew now that she wasn't perfect because she had wondered if he actually thought so. Finding her in such an emotional state, finding out she had slept with Daniel.

Twice.

She hadn't meant for him to ever find out about it. About her and Daniel.

She could still remember his hands on her skin and his lips on hers and she couldn't quite believe that it had been almost two years since Janet had died. Felt like so much longer.

She could remember his face when he discovered his broken glasses the morning after she had thrown them across her bedroom. The memory still made her smile and she didn't regret it, that was true. She had been sober, straight and unable to let herself fall into the pit of despair Daniel's own death had created the year before.

More knocking and so much death.

Cassie needed her, everyone needed her and she had needed something, someone. And one illicit hug from her CO hadn't been enough. It was never going to be enough. It was all or nothing with Jack O'Neill.

But Daniel was always there and some days she couldn't quite remember why they weren't in a relationship. Not that it would do the team dynamic any good but it wouldn't get her fired/court marshaled/booted out. Some days, some moments she looked at him, remembered him and wondered why not. She loved him.

She's not in love with him.

Same reason she left Pete.

She hadn't expected any of this.

To have cramps from falling asleep on her hall way floor. To be questioning her friendship with Daniel and her 'thing' with her CO, less than five hours after burying her father. Less than three days after leaving the man she was engaged too.

She was alone as ever and maybe that was for the best but she didn't believe it and the insistent knocking on her front door told her otherwise.

*


He wondered sometimes, if he loved Sam too much as he walked up her path to knock on her door. He hadn't just left her, she still needed someone or she wouldn't have called.

Though what had happened with Jack was a mystery to him because he had always gotten the impression that she would never tell him about the two of them. He certainly wasn't planning to and not because of any 'thing' between his two friends but he felt it was none of his business. Sam was his best friend and as much as she was Jack's second in command.

He knocked on her door and waited for an answer.

He had always wondered what Jack would do when he found out of course. He half expected him to hit him square on the jaw but maybe there was still time for that, though he suspected Jack would be a bigger man than that.

He had been slightly drunk the first time but was never going to use alcohol as an excuse or a reason for sleeping with Sam. He knew even sober he would've done the same. Turned to her when he needed her, needed someone to help him feel alive again and forgive him for everything he had ever done.

Death was a bitch to come back from.

He hadn't expected to come back, and he was pretty sure that even if he had known he would, there wouldn't have been anything to help him readjust. No manual for de-ascending.

He was also sure that sex with your friend was not the way to go about it either, but it happened, and he didn't regret it.

He knocked on her door again.

He had enjoyed it too.

Sam was beautiful, no doubt about that, but he hadn't really thought about her that way before. Now, now he could still remember the feel of her body under his. He could still remember how tight she was too if he really thought about it.

Definitely loved her too much.

He'd expected her to be a little more vocal but then it wasn't that kind of sex. She had screamed, he had made her scream and for a month afterwards he thought about it, he heard her. He tried not to think about it though and he didn't really, just on those odd occasions when something would remind him of just how well he knew her.

It didn't make him feel guilty.

They were consenting adults.

He knocked on the door again and couldn't help the slight blush and guilty feeling that appeared when she opened, finally, and hoped she hadn't suddenly developed the ability to read minds.

"Ignoring me?"

"Trying to."

"Can I come in?"

She nodded and walked back into her house, letting him follow her into the lounge and sit down on one of the sofas. She waited a moment then sat opposite him.

She couldn't look at him, or didn't want to look at him. He wasn't sure which.

"Are you okay?"

"No."

"What happened with Jack?"

"I told him about you and me."

"I had noticed. Why?"

"It was accidental."

"Did you explain?"

"I don't have, shouldn't have to."

"This is Jack. Maybe he needs to know, to understand, considering how he feels about you, and how you feel about him," he said the last bit slowly and carefully, he wasn't sure how Sam felt truth be told. They hadn't spoken about it in any context for a long time.

"Do you want a drink Daniel?" She was on her feet in and the kitchen before he could answer forcing him to get up and follow.

"Why did he come to see you Sam? Do you even know?" She shook her head. "He came to see you to make sure you were okay because didn't think you would be."

Jack had stopped him at the service, held him back after Sam had spoken with him, trying to convince him that she would be okay. It took more to get him to leave her alone than Jack. Usually.

"When was the last time he came to see you were okay outside of the mountain? When was the last time he even came to your house?"

She didn't answer.

"You should go talk to him."

She leaned back against her breakfast bar and finally looked at him.

"I don't want to talk...I didn't want to talk."

"Is that what happened?" She nodded.

"Nothing has changed."

"Everything has changed. Everything's always changing."

"Very profound."

"Something must've changed to get him to come here tonight."

He was right.

Not that she was going to tell him that.

He was right because the last time he had come to see her when they all had a reason to worry was when Orlin had been with her. And, okay, he'd brought a chaperone but he had still come and that was what had been different this time, tonight. It had been just him.

"He is a General now you know, he has a little more power and influence."

"Doesn't matter," she said softly. "I think it's gone past what the rule book says. It's something else now, it's ingrained."

"Why did you call me over? To annoy Jack, to make a point or did you actually want me?"

"I wanted you."

"Because you can't have Jack."

It sounded terrible but it was true.

"Daniel." She reached out for him, half expecting him to move away but he didn't and let her place a hand on his arm.

"It's okay, I know I come second to Jack sometimes."

"I still want him."

"But you would've settled for me?" He regretted saying it immediately. "Sorry."

"I would've tonight. He found me on the floor."

He sighed.

"Sam, I love you, but you really, really need to go and talk to Jack because while I'm sure I'm a nice distraction, you want him." She smiled and leaned forward to kiss him on the lips.

"Hope for us yet?"

"I think so. Jack will forgive you of anything, for everything. It's just himself he can't forgive."

"Don't I know it."

*


He understood actually.

He unscrewed a beer and sat down on his sofa, just a lamp in the corner of his room lighting it up a little.

He did understand the need for comfort, emotional and physical, he understood that she had turned to Daniel for it but he couldn't quite wrap his mind around it because it was Daniel. Any other man maybe but this was Daniel and it felt a bit different.

It was Daniel.

He really needed to get past that.

He had needed the same over the past nine years. He had always had Sara before. He hadn't talked to her about a lot of things but he had fucked her to forget so many times. Since then there are had been one or two, every now and then, the SGC messed with your head and he really hadn't expected that.

Sam messed with his head too.

He wished he could've turned to Sam or that she could've turned to him but they knew better then that, and now he had lost out to a whole host of other possibilities. Pete wasn't the right guy but he knew that she could just find another. That she probably would.

She still wanted him.

He should've kissed her back like she wanted, given her whatever she had wanted and dealt with the consequences later if it meant she would feel better. If it mean they could be together.

He was an idiot and an asshole.

Which he already knew but there was nothing like turning down a friend in her hour of need to really convince you of that. For all he knew she could be with Daniel right now, kissing him, touching him, stripping him.

He took a swig of his beer.

He should've given up on her a long while ago but he hadn't.

More fool him.

He didn't really know what to do now. Ignore it all and move on, go back to how it was between them at all? He had tried to do something different tonight but he'd gotten it very, very wrong.

A knock on his door stopped him from another drink of his beer.

He expected it to be Daniel to come and talk to him, explain himself, ask for forgiveness. Not for himself but for Sam, which he didn't really need to do. He didn't blame her for anything.

And looking at her on his doorstep he knew he'd forgive her almost anything.

He didn't say anything, he just let her pass him and make her own way into his lounge.

"You want a beer?"

"No thank you."

He looked at his own beer, still three quarters full and sat back down in his chair. She looked at him before perching awkwardly on the sofa opposite him and waited for him to say something. Anything.

But he didn't and the silence was painful, the air so uncomfortable, so much more so than usual. They had never gotten used to being alone together. Even small talk was hard work for them sometimes.

"I assumed you had something to say," he said, "seeing as you came to see me."

"Have you ever expected us to get anywhere?"

The question popped out of her mouth before she could stop it but then, in the drive to his place she hadn't been able to make her mind up about what to say to him.

"No."

"Oh."

"I didn't expect to live this long either."

'Oh' again but she didn't voice it and she knew she was avoiding a question she was desperate to have an answer to.

"Do you still want me?"

"Yes."

She still wanted him and he still wanted her but they were sitting opposite each other, barely looking at each other, the air tense.

"Are you angry?"

"About you and Daniel?" She nodded, looking away. "Yes, but I understand."

He was angry that it couldn't be him.

"Does it make a difference?"

"To what? To us?"

"Yes."

"No."

"Good."

Monosyllabic, they were really clearing the air, moving forward.

She almost laughed out loud at her own thoughts.

"What do you want from me?" she asked.

"I don't know anymore. If I ever knew. He put his beer down. "All I wanted was to know if you were really going to be okay. I wanted to know if you needed to talk, needed some support...cake."

"I do."

"You just won't take it."

"I can't," she said. "I can't take what I need, what I want. What I needed when you found me."

"Sex."

"No, you."

"You can have me Carter. In the grand scale of things a few frat regs mean nothing and nine years on, I love you enough to know I don't care about them anyway."

"So what? What do we do because it's not that easy."

"We make it complicated."

"If you say so Sir."

What to do, what to do.

He knew he could just kiss her, sleep with her and damn the consequences until tomorrow but he didn't really want to fuck this up if they could actually do something with this attraction and these feelings.

"Let's go fishing," he said suddenly, making her jump ever so slightly. "We'll all go, get away from here, you, me, Daniel and Teal'c."

He had shook Pete's hand, he was sure he could spend the weekend with Daniel knowing what he did. They were friends. This was life, their life.

"Okay?"

"And whatever happens, happens? We've played this game for nine years Sam, it'll take a while to change the, ah, rules."

"That was painful to say wasn't it?"

"I really need to stop watching Hallmark." She smiled. "So you'll come?"

"Yes."

She had nothing to lose. They had nothing to lose.

"Still seems so easy," she added after a moment.

"Maybe it is easy." He wanted nothing more than to kiss her now, kiss her silly but that moment had passed and they were going to have to start from the beginning. Or at least very early in the story.

"Maybe I can have everything I want." He looked at her, the confusion evident on his face. "Something my dad said to me."

He nodded and she finally sat back on the sofa and he felt better about the situation. If nothing happened then so be it but at least he'd be sure she wasn't going to cry herself to sleep on her hallway floor.

*fin


My two lines.

are you ready for the shit to hit
i think you say you are but aren't
-snow patrol, ways and means