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escapingreality2008-07-15 07:25 pm
scruffyduck.livejournal.com) wrote in escapingreality2008-07-15 07:25 pm
Entry tags:
(no subject)
Title: Worst Mistake
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
rolleson
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: G
Character/Pairing: Mickey/Rose
Spoilers: Boomtown
Warnings: None
Summery: Regrets. Episode tag for Boomtown.
Notes: 902 words.
Everyone made mistakes but Rose didn’t think leaving with the doctor was a mistake. She’d made mistakes since she’d left with him but the decision itself was probably one of the best she’d made since he said no to Jamie Evans at that party.
She regretted touching the Dalek. That was a mistake.
Saving her a father had been a mistake but still not her worst.
The destruction of the entire human race didn’t seem to fill her with as much guilt as the way she had left things with Mickey that second time around.
The first time, that first time, when the doctor had told her the TARDIS traveled in time and she had run off without a thought, that had been a mistake. Running off with barely a word. She should’ve said more than thank you but she forgave herself for that because she hadn’t really known what she was doing. All she was sure of was that the doctor wouldn’t ask a third time and he didn’t strike her as the type of bloke that would wait around in his time machine while she had a heart to heart with her boyfriend.
So she followed him blindly, trusting him and she’d done the same ever since.
That second time, leaving properly with some belongings and a kiss, that had been a mistake.
She should’ve made things clearer between them, shouldn’t have left it hanging between them like that. She loved Mickey, he’d been a part of her life for so long, her friend, her neighbour, her boyfriend. She’d known him her entire life and it hadn’t occurred to her until a cold Cardiff evening that she’d treated badly by leaving the state of their relationship so open. She was usually the mature one but she’d fucked up worse than Mickey ever had and that was unforgivable.
The guilt was overwhelming. She’d cheated on her history GCSE coursework, stolen a hair band from New Look but neither compared to this. In a heated argument with her mum she’d called her a selfish bitch when she was really anything but and she’d cried for days after that.
But this was worse. This was heartbreaking.
She should’ve made it clear to him, finished the relationship, brought about some closure for him. For them both. Told him she’d always choose the doctor and time travel over him, over London and any normal life he had to offer. She’d known early on that was the case but she’d strung him along.
She should never have invited him to Cardiff.
She wished she could go back and do things over.
Fortunately (or unfortunately) she had learnt that doing just that was a bad idea usually. Learnt that the hard way.
Another mistake.
She didn’t know how to handle this, curled up in her bed, ignoring Jack and The Doctor in the control room, feeling nothing and unable to cry. The guilt made her want to throw up, she wanted to scream but she didn’t have enough energy to do either. She closed her eyes but all she could see was Mickey crying and it hurt more.
“I’ve killed millions of people you know. Destroyed twice as many lives in one way or another.” She opened her eyes and saw him stood in the doorway to her room, leaning against the frame, his arms crossed.
His eyes were darker than normal. The confession was another glimpse of the dark doctor she knew was there, boiling under.
“Both guilty and innocent.” He added. “To save myself, save others, accidentally, mistakenly, stupidly.”
She watched him carefully, looking into his eyes.
“I’ve sacrificed people, entire planets, I sacrificed Gwenyth, let her sacrifice herself. I’ve done things that make me no better then the Slitheen family. Made terrible mistakes that will haunt me for another 900 years.”
She wasn’t sure where this was going, what he was trying to tell her. If anything she now felt guilty for feeling so guilty over Mickey.
And it hurt her brain to think like that in her current state.
“You, Rose Tyler, are a good person. Your mistakes are minimal when you think about it. Perfectly innocent, perfectly human.”
“That doesn’t make me feel better.” She said. “I hurt him so badly.”
“You did, but he’ll get over it. You humans do that. Move on, some of you dwell more than others, but mostly you learn to deal with the mistakes you’ve made. You’ll learn from the mistakes you’ve made.” He said. “You will feel better.”
“But you won’t?”
“Maybe. But this isn’t about me.”
“What is this about?”
“Me making a complete hash of trying to make you feel better.” He said with a smile. She laughed. “That’s better.” He stood up straight. “My point it, you can lie in bed all day feeling miserable or come out into the sunshine and feel miserable.”
“There’s no choice where I’m not miserable.”
“Well, possibly, you’ll just have to be nice to Jack.” She smiled.
“It hurts.”
“Good. I’d be worried if it didn’t.” She thought about that for a moment before getting up.
“I love him.”
“Ricky? I don’t understand you lot sometimes.” He grinned at her. “Come on, let’s get Blon adopted.”
She followed him out her room and back into the control room, still hurting, still feeling miserable with guilt but getting somewhere.
She just hoped Mickey was doing the same.
Author:
rollesonFandom: Doctor Who
Rating: G
Character/Pairing: Mickey/Rose
Spoilers: Boomtown
Warnings: None
Summery: Regrets. Episode tag for Boomtown.
Notes: 902 words.
Everyone made mistakes but Rose didn’t think leaving with the doctor was a mistake. She’d made mistakes since she’d left with him but the decision itself was probably one of the best she’d made since he said no to Jamie Evans at that party.
She regretted touching the Dalek. That was a mistake.
Saving her a father had been a mistake but still not her worst.
The destruction of the entire human race didn’t seem to fill her with as much guilt as the way she had left things with Mickey that second time around.
The first time, that first time, when the doctor had told her the TARDIS traveled in time and she had run off without a thought, that had been a mistake. Running off with barely a word. She should’ve said more than thank you but she forgave herself for that because she hadn’t really known what she was doing. All she was sure of was that the doctor wouldn’t ask a third time and he didn’t strike her as the type of bloke that would wait around in his time machine while she had a heart to heart with her boyfriend.
So she followed him blindly, trusting him and she’d done the same ever since.
That second time, leaving properly with some belongings and a kiss, that had been a mistake.
She should’ve made things clearer between them, shouldn’t have left it hanging between them like that. She loved Mickey, he’d been a part of her life for so long, her friend, her neighbour, her boyfriend. She’d known him her entire life and it hadn’t occurred to her until a cold Cardiff evening that she’d treated badly by leaving the state of their relationship so open. She was usually the mature one but she’d fucked up worse than Mickey ever had and that was unforgivable.
The guilt was overwhelming. She’d cheated on her history GCSE coursework, stolen a hair band from New Look but neither compared to this. In a heated argument with her mum she’d called her a selfish bitch when she was really anything but and she’d cried for days after that.
But this was worse. This was heartbreaking.
She should’ve made it clear to him, finished the relationship, brought about some closure for him. For them both. Told him she’d always choose the doctor and time travel over him, over London and any normal life he had to offer. She’d known early on that was the case but she’d strung him along.
She should never have invited him to Cardiff.
She wished she could go back and do things over.
Fortunately (or unfortunately) she had learnt that doing just that was a bad idea usually. Learnt that the hard way.
Another mistake.
She didn’t know how to handle this, curled up in her bed, ignoring Jack and The Doctor in the control room, feeling nothing and unable to cry. The guilt made her want to throw up, she wanted to scream but she didn’t have enough energy to do either. She closed her eyes but all she could see was Mickey crying and it hurt more.
“I’ve killed millions of people you know. Destroyed twice as many lives in one way or another.” She opened her eyes and saw him stood in the doorway to her room, leaning against the frame, his arms crossed.
His eyes were darker than normal. The confession was another glimpse of the dark doctor she knew was there, boiling under.
“Both guilty and innocent.” He added. “To save myself, save others, accidentally, mistakenly, stupidly.”
She watched him carefully, looking into his eyes.
“I’ve sacrificed people, entire planets, I sacrificed Gwenyth, let her sacrifice herself. I’ve done things that make me no better then the Slitheen family. Made terrible mistakes that will haunt me for another 900 years.”
She wasn’t sure where this was going, what he was trying to tell her. If anything she now felt guilty for feeling so guilty over Mickey.
And it hurt her brain to think like that in her current state.
“You, Rose Tyler, are a good person. Your mistakes are minimal when you think about it. Perfectly innocent, perfectly human.”
“That doesn’t make me feel better.” She said. “I hurt him so badly.”
“You did, but he’ll get over it. You humans do that. Move on, some of you dwell more than others, but mostly you learn to deal with the mistakes you’ve made. You’ll learn from the mistakes you’ve made.” He said. “You will feel better.”
“But you won’t?”
“Maybe. But this isn’t about me.”
“What is this about?”
“Me making a complete hash of trying to make you feel better.” He said with a smile. She laughed. “That’s better.” He stood up straight. “My point it, you can lie in bed all day feeling miserable or come out into the sunshine and feel miserable.”
“There’s no choice where I’m not miserable.”
“Well, possibly, you’ll just have to be nice to Jack.” She smiled.
“It hurts.”
“Good. I’d be worried if it didn’t.” She thought about that for a moment before getting up.
“I love him.”
“Ricky? I don’t understand you lot sometimes.” He grinned at her. “Come on, let’s get Blon adopted.”
She followed him out her room and back into the control room, still hurting, still feeling miserable with guilt but getting somewhere.
She just hoped Mickey was doing the same.